WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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