and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
