i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
