hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
