how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize