I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize