She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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