This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ok first of all what the fuck
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
