Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
