I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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