Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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