You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
