A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They have beer where we have blood.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
