I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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