Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
