So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
