She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
