Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize