I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
