Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
