She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
