it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
