I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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