So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
