Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
