Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He kissed a someone with a penis
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize