Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
