Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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