So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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