jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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