new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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