four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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