Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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