guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
