Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We need a shit load of segways right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
