Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
