I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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