She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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