Where is the hickey?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
