conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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