i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize