Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
