i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
