Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
