I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
