Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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