i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize