I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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