I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
