i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
