What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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