Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No subtext here. People are naked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
