On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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