Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
