....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize