You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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