My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
