Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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