Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
