I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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