I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
