I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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