I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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