Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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