Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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