Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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