what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
