If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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