I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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