They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
