Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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