she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
