He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
