Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
