Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
