True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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