He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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