I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
