i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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