david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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