Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
