I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
