Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
