i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She swung at the pinata with crutches
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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