Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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