Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
