I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
