Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
