No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
