You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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