im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
