Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
