Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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