i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
