no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
