I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
