Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
