But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
