We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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