I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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