Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
