i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize