Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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