Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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