Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
