Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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